Two and Two

Don’t you love it when someone shows you their lack of extremely basic logic during the middle of an argument? It’s even better when you try to explain it to them, and they refuse to realize you were right. I hear this on the radio a lot.
Also, this isn’t hard. It’s stuff I understood back as early as at LEAST first grade. I remember first grade. I had that bitch of a teacher who never taught me to hold a pencil correctly.
Most are just conditionals.





Here are a few basic logic thingamabobers.

If you’re extremely stupid, you should not leave this page.
That DOESN’T mean that if you’re smart, you SHOULD leave this page.
But I don’t have to tell you that, because you’re smart.
That DOESN’T mean that anybody who can understand basic logic is smart.
This is how everyone’s words get twisted.

18% of the disabled patients (all are disabled in this scenario) in Cook’s Children’s Hospital are considered popular.
Pizza day came. 82% of the kids wanted cheese pizza.
18% wanted Pepperoni.

What can you tell me about, without a doubt, the 18% of the kids who wanted pepperoni?
They were fucking DIS-AB-LED. Nothing more.




A and B (names of two boring people) are standing there, staring into your pitiful eyes.
A and B speak about themselves.

B: A always tells lies.
A: B always tells the truth.

What you know.
B could be telling the truth. If he is, than we know A always tells lies. We also know that B doesn’t always tell the truth.

B could be lying, but that doesn’t mean he always tells lies. As far as we’re concerned, neither always lies. “Always lying” is inadmissible if B is lying. It’s just as irrelevant as wondering which one owns a Subaru.

A could be telling the truth. If A is telling the truth, B is lying, and A never lies. However, that doesn’t mean that B always lies. That is impossible.

They could both be screwing with you.
(They also might be gay partners who SHARE a Subaru).
This actually took a few minutes.


Eating candy will cause your teeth to decay.



Every silent monk who got shot in the face died.

So,
********(we don’t know his name because he won’t fucking tell us) got shot dead.
********didn’t necessarily get shot in the face. It’s nothing more than a possibility.



Mohammad Abdul Milkshake always carries his Jihad gun. His Jihad gun is in hell.
Milkshake is in hell.





Every member of NAMBLA is a pedophile (In this case).

You are a pedophile, you aren’t necessarily in NAMBLA.
If you aren’t a part of NAMBLA, you aren’t necessarily NOT a ped.

It’s 2:32 am, do you know where YOUR children are? (Thank you Justin).


Then there is the other type of logic. Here’s an example.
On one of my cars, when you hit the lock button, the lights blink once. When you hit the unlock button, the lights blink twice.
Some people wouldn’t understand why it wouldn’t be as good to have this the other way around.

Even easier to understand is the way you lock and unlock it. Hit unlock once, and the passenger side unlocks. Hit unlock twice and both doors are unlocked, hit lock and every door locks. Some people just don’t have any idea why it’s programmed that way.



Oh yeah! There’s one more I have to mention. I’ll think of a few examples.

Ok, you have a car that doesn’t work. Your friend wants to keys to that car to take it out. You say, oh, it doesn’t work. He just doesn’t “get it” and says, “Well, I want the keys.”
GIVE HIM THE FREAKING KEYS!!
What’s it going to hurt? He’ll try to start it and realize you’re right.

Ok, you have a phone number of an old friend. It doesn’t work. Your friend wants the phone number, and you say, “It doesn’t work.” He still wants it. You say, “No, it doesn’t work.” JUST GIVE IT TOO HIM. You spend more time arguing about it than you would if you just gave him the unusable number.


Johnny was bouncing his ball as snot dripped from his nose. It bounces into the road and he chases is, leaning over like a fucking hunchback while he runs. Now little Johnny has a feeding tube.