Email sent to a stupid treehugger website that popped up. I have left all missspellinnngs in.

Hi, I'm Ron Dwight and I was hoping you could help me out with something. It's an extremely imbarrassing issue so I'm afraid to ask anyone.
I have a dream of having sex in the branches of trees. I know this is dangerous for me and my girl, but could it hurt the tree? Someone said trees can feel pain and a police officer actually issued a man a ticket for leaning his bike against a tree.

Here's my real issue was reading about organic candy and then I saw an ad for organic furniture and shirts. I started thinking about about latex condoms and have developed a problem. Everytime I use a condom during sex, my orgasms are ruined because I have terrible images of deformed animals that the condom factory caused. It's really horrible.

Maybe I can get my wife to sew me a burlap condom. The only person I can have good sex with is my wife, because we don't have to use condoms.