NEWS: Family Dog Suspected of Arson

LITTLEROCK, AR – Flames engulfed the “Sunfield Catholic Church” last Wednesday at 6:66pm, on Ash Ln. The cause of the fire is unknown, a local family suspects their dog, Sparky. Sparky received his nickname when his fur caught on fire as he walked past an ever sparking church telephone.

“We aren’t sure, but we think Sparky could have started the fire. After all, he is a flamer.” Explained Sparky’s loving owner, Doreen. Doreen’s 8 year old daughter, Megan confirmed the allegation, “It’s true, I saw him corn holing my boy baby doll once, I saw it!”

“Not only is he a flamer, he was spotted at a cross burning service, hanging out when KKK members once when he got lost.” She explained. “We were so concerned, we called the pet psychic. She laid our worries aside my explaining it was just a ‘cross lighting’ service.” She adds, “He also used to drag his ass along the carpet. The pet psychic told us he was mearly, spreading the warmth. This might be a riddle.”

Sparky’s attorney, Max, was spotted at a local bark, I mean, park. When an interviewer approached him, he refused to comment.

Doreen’s daughter, Megan, said "I can’t imagine life without my precious Sparky. “He lights my fire!” explained the little girl. “I just hope Sparky gets put to sleep if he did it.”

NEWS: Boy Treats uncircumcised friend “Just like anyone else.”

HOUSTON, TX – Jacob Maloni, expert friend and Yu-Gi-O historian, wants the entire world to know he treats his friend, Conner Williams, just like a normal person. He tells how it all came to happen on Monday night “Conner was spending the night and I noticed his prepuce and frenulum where in tact. I just blinked. I kept blinking and blinking.”
Jacob is really excited to know his friend's new secret. He was so excited at the end of the interview that he told us, “I’m going to tell everybody at school tomorrow."

This has been Lenny, with Krupple News