Tom Thumb, (AGAIN)
*Remember when reading this that I use my write to use creative license.
I went to Tom Thumb tonight to get some stuff. I'm extremely ashamed that I used a shopping cart this time.
While I was there, a manager saw me carrying an unearthly amount of crap. He must have known I wasn't 100% human. Anyway, he asked me if I needed I shopping cart and I declined his filthy offer!
It's always been my personal belief that shopping carts are for pussies and women. This time however, I didn't get a shopping cart because I was weak or because my fingers hurt from carrying stuff, I got it because I didn't have enough arms to carry my things.
Now, when I ended up getting the shopping cart, he HAD to make some remark. At this point, I twisted his neck until it made a pretty noise, and I walked away, haven proved my manliness and superiority.
On the way out, I saw a school buddy, Patrick Green. I was pushing a cart. It was ok though, because I had some manly deodorant sitting on top of the paper towels. That's right!
I was walking back to my car that I had parked next to a Bentley just to piss off the owner. That's when I noticed the 'Stork Club' parking section. It's for pregnant women. I was happy to see the sign, and pondered on how liberals could get all up in arms about how it supports straight sex, and how men cannot park there. I love the wording on the sign. 'Expectant Mothers.' It's as if they're reminding women that they might have a miscarriage. I wonder if a slut would qualify as an 'expectant' mother.. I was pondering all of this when I saw a sweet looking pregnant lady.
I congratulated her on getting knocked up, and getting pregnant. Suddenly, this seemingly nice, white, pregnant lady throws her hands in the air and wiggles them around. She's screaming at me, calling me a honky and accusing me of having brown hair. She also tells me she's not pregnant. Not even a little bit. I told her to step off, and plugged her a few times with my gad. to show her I meant business. I knew the bullets wouldn't fully penetrate her fat.
In fact, the bullets bounced off of her and nailed a few infants in the face. I had to leave early because my ice cream was melting. I'm sure that somewhere, someday, we'll meet again.
The moral of this story: Don't complement women in the 'Stork Parking' section. Then might be fat black women in disguise.
I went to Tom Thumb tonight to get some stuff. I'm extremely ashamed that I used a shopping cart this time.
While I was there, a manager saw me carrying an unearthly amount of crap. He must have known I wasn't 100% human. Anyway, he asked me if I needed I shopping cart and I declined his filthy offer!
It's always been my personal belief that shopping carts are for pussies and women. This time however, I didn't get a shopping cart because I was weak or because my fingers hurt from carrying stuff, I got it because I didn't have enough arms to carry my things.
Now, when I ended up getting the shopping cart, he HAD to make some remark. At this point, I twisted his neck until it made a pretty noise, and I walked away, haven proved my manliness and superiority.
On the way out, I saw a school buddy, Patrick Green. I was pushing a cart. It was ok though, because I had some manly deodorant sitting on top of the paper towels. That's right!
I was walking back to my car that I had parked next to a Bentley just to piss off the owner. That's when I noticed the 'Stork Club' parking section. It's for pregnant women. I was happy to see the sign, and pondered on how liberals could get all up in arms about how it supports straight sex, and how men cannot park there. I love the wording on the sign. 'Expectant Mothers.' It's as if they're reminding women that they might have a miscarriage. I wonder if a slut would qualify as an 'expectant' mother.. I was pondering all of this when I saw a sweet looking pregnant lady.
I congratulated her on getting knocked up, and getting pregnant. Suddenly, this seemingly nice, white, pregnant lady throws her hands in the air and wiggles them around. She's screaming at me, calling me a honky and accusing me of having brown hair. She also tells me she's not pregnant. Not even a little bit. I told her to step off, and plugged her a few times with my gad. to show her I meant business. I knew the bullets wouldn't fully penetrate her fat.
In fact, the bullets bounced off of her and nailed a few infants in the face. I had to leave early because my ice cream was melting. I'm sure that somewhere, someday, we'll meet again.
The moral of this story: Don't complement women in the 'Stork Parking' section. Then might be fat black women in disguise.
posted by Shat @ 5:16 PM
